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Digital Resources
Focus Zen: Tips for being more productive.
Half of Us: Resources for dealing with or helping a friend with mental health issues.
Healthy Living Around Campus: Tips from the University Fitness Center.
Healthy Sleep Awareness: Resources for healthy sleep habits, healthy sleep awareness, symptoms of sleep disorders, bedtime calculator and other information regarding sleep and benefits of getting the right amount of sleep as it relates to your health.
Mental Health & wellness for Medical Professionals: “An online guide to mental health, warning signs, and where to get help when you need it.”
Relax Melodies: Explore a selection of over 100 soothing sounds and music designed specially by our in-house experts to lull you to sleep.
Student Guide to Managing Stress: Education specialists at BestColleges.com created this resource, which includes information on the effects of stress, managing stress, and getting help for stress.
The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) National Help Center: Founded in 1996, is a non-profit, tax-exempt organization that provides vital peer-support, community connections and resource information to people with questions regarding sexual orientation and/or gender identity.
iPad and iPhone Apps
A Friend Asks – Help a friend who might be contemplating suicide.
Fooducate – Learn more about healthy food to fuel your body and mind.
MindShift – Stop anxiety and fear from controlling your life.
The Now – Learn how to live fully in each moment.
Take a break! – Meditations for stress relief.
Unstuck – This app helps you move past things in your life making you feel stuck.
WellTrack – Interactive self-help therapy.
What’s up? – A free app utilizing some of the best CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) methods to help you cope with depression, anxiety, anger, stress and more.
Android Apps
A Friend Asks – Help a friend who might be contemplating suicide.
Fooducate – Learn more about healthy food to fuel your body and mind.
Lightning Bug – Ambience and white noise mixer.
Self-Help Anxiety Management – Learn to manage your anxiety.
WellTrack – Interactive self-help therapy.
What’s up? – A free app utilizing some of the best CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) methods to help you cope with depression, anxiety, anger, stress and more.
Stress Management
Go for a walk
Shrug your shoulders
Read a book that’s not required
Call your mom or dad
Take a five-minute break
Do projects now instead of later
Plan a hot tub party
Draw your version of what stress looks like
Make a new friend
Play in the rain
Count backwards from 100 in Swahili
Make a daily “to do” list and check off those you have accomplished
Hug someone
Get a massage
Pet a dog or cat
Talk about it
Watch cartoons
Breathe deeply
Trade dirty jokes with a friend
Iron your clothes
Ask someone out on a date
Smile at a stranger
Cry
Make a budget
Do a crossword puzzle
Eat a healthy meal
Leave a note on a friend’s car and let them know you care
Just say “no” when you’ve got too much to do
Take a nap
Learn from your mistakes and move on
Go for a swim
Give yourself a compliment
Find a quiet place to be alone
Take a long, hot bath
Arrange a surprise picnic for someone
Go to church
Think about soaking up the sun in Jamaica
Clean your room
Volunteer for a good cause
Dance around your room in your underwear
Buy yourself a new shirt
As yourself, “Does it really matter?”
Get rid of things you don’t need
Go for a bike ride
Go rollerblading
Catch the new movie at the theater
Listen to music
Incorporate fun activities into your everyday routine
Write a letter to an old friend
Change the message on your voicemail or answering machine
Stop drinking anything with caffeine
Go to work/school using a different route
Look for shooting stars
Walk around a mall
Rent old movies
Make a CD or tape of your favorite songs
Write down your dreams for the future
Snuggle up with a teddy bear
Have a water balloon fight with friends or family
Play Frisbee
Plan a weekend trip to the zoo
Play a board game like Pictionary or Monopoly
Bake cookies and give them to your neighbors
Wash your car
Make eye contact with a person you’ve been admiring
Write a love letter
Read poetry
Send flowers to a friend “just because”
Walk in the moonlight
Watch the sun rise
Take a leisurely drive
Wink at someone you think is cute
Visit historical landmarks in town
Go out to eat
Flirt with the waiter or waitress
Cook your favorite food
Look at old pictures
Start a new hobby
Do your holiday shopping early
Watch the sun set
Go bowling
Send a funny card to you dad or mom
Plan a candlelight dinner
Eat frozen yogurt
Buy yourself something you don’t need
Ask for help
Get up ten minutes early
Catch some rays
Feed the squirrels
Talk to your boss or professor
Join a new organization or club
Call your best friend
Adopt a grandparent
Eat your vegetables
Go to bed early
Visit the toy store
Play in the park
Become a Big Brother or Big Sister
Organize your calendar, address book, and phone numbers
Go for a run or walk
Have a marshmallow fight with your friends
Try these 13 ways to reduce stress while sitting in a straight-backed chair.
Extend the chin, drop it to the chest. Try to pull the chin to the sternum. Chin up, return to neutral.
Look up first with the eyes. Let the chin follow. Stretch the neck. Return to neutral.
Extend the chin, drop it to the chest. Turn eyes and head to the right side. Bring head to neutral.
Extend the chin, drop it to the chest. Turn eyes and head to the left side. Bring head to neutral.
Keeping head at neutral, turn head to right. Count to 10. Return to neutral.
Keeping head at neutral, turn head to left. Count to 10. Return to neutral.
Lean forward in chair. Pull the shoulders down, and then squeeze them back for 15 seconds. Return to neutral sitting position.
Lift elbows, put fingers at your ears. Squeeze shoulder blades together for 15 seconds. Return to neutral sitting position.
Grasp hands in front. Stretch and round shoulders for 15 seconds. Push away from the table. Return to sitting position.
Sit tall in the chair, feet flat on the floor. Lift shoulders to your ears for 15 seconds. Return to neutral sitting position.
Sit tall in the chair, feet flat on the floor. Press down with both hands at your side for 15 seconds. Return to the neutral sitting position.
Sit tall in the chair, extend hands diagonally back. Press back for 15 seconds. Return to the neutral sitting position.
Sit tall in the chair. Reach diagonally across and up with the right hand. Alternate arms. Return to the neutral sitting position.
(Adapted from the Healthy Mind, Healthy Body Handbook, Time Life Medical, 1996)
Optimistic thinking can have an effect on your overall health. It can help improve your mood and self-esteem, and decrease depression, anxiety, and hostility. Research suggests that optimistic thinking also can lessen pain, speed recovery from surgery, and enhance immune system functioning.
You Feel What You Think
People assume that outside events cause our moods.
However, we can experience the exact same situation and, at different times or in different moods, we can feel and respond differently in that same situation. This is because we are constantly talking to ourselves and we use this self-talk to explain the world around us. These explanations or interpretations influence how we feel and what actions we take. However, we are often not aware of these automatic thoughts we are having.
Instead, we notice anger, depression, or anxiety without connecting these feelings with the negative thoughts that are going on in our minds. For example, after getting a grade that was lower than you expected, you might say to yourself, “I shouldn’t be here — I am a bad student.”
This type of thought is often followed by sadness—which you typically will notice.
The good news is that this distorted or negatively skewed self-talk can be changed and healthier thoughts can be cultivated.
How to Think in a Healthier Way
The first step in changing your thinking is to recognize unhelpful negative thoughts. On a piece of paper, write down the situation that is bothering you. Only write down the facts at this point, no interpretation or judgment. You have to practice this — simply reading the exercise below or doing it in your head will not change your thinking.
Draw three columns on the sheet. Label the far left column “Feelings/Body response,” and write down what you feel (angry, depressed, anxious, guilty, neck ache, heart racing, etc.).
Label the middle column “Negative Thoughts,” and list the thoughts or pictures that went through your mind just before and during the situation.
Label the far right column “Alternative Responses,” and list the arguments against each of your major negative thoughts. Write down a more rational response to it. See below for questions to help you challenge your negative thoughts.
Example situation: I didn’t get the grade that I wanted on my test.
Feelings/body responses | negative thoughts | alternative responses: I feel depressed | I’m a bad student | I’m successful in many ways.
I feel discouraged | I’ll never be successful | I can ask for help with my study strategies.
Next, challenge your automatic thoughts. Each time you discover a pessimistic thought, use the following questions to challenge them:
Have I really identified what’s bothering me?
Am I greatly exaggerating the situation?
Am I overgeneralizing? For example, “I’ll never be successful.” Simply because something happened once, doesn’t mean it will happen again.
Am I over-worrying?
Am I assuming the worst? When I consider the worst thing that could happen, would it truly be a disaster? With catastrophic thinking, small events can become exaggerated. Counter these thoughts with facts and reason.
Am I making an unrealistic or unfair comparison? Who am I comparing myself to?
Do I have the evidence for my conclusion? Am I reading someone’s mind or predicting the future? For example, if you think: “I will never get a good grade,” you are attempting to predict the future.
Am I taking it too personally? For example, if you think: “If I would have treated him better, he wouldn’t have left me.” It is healthy to accept personal responsibility, but not to blame yourself for situations that aren’t entirely under your control.
Am I discounting the positive? Do you say, “I was just lucky” or “She just said that to make me feel better,” you may be ignoring positive aspects of the situation. Then, the negative thoughts can affect your mood.
Am I expecting perfection? Give yourself a break. Mistakes are part of being human and can be opportunities to learn and grow.
This is a list of some brief relaxation exercises that you may wish to employ any time during your day, in between classes, before exams, while studying, before a presentation or speech, or prior to a big date or an appointment.
General Directions
For all of these exercises, it is best to be seated, eyes closed, feet flat on the floor or crossed at the ankles, and hands resting comfortably in the lap. Begin each exercise with a deep breath that you let out gently. As you let it out, feel yourself beginning to relax already.
Gentle Arousal
After the exercise, slowly and gently activate by breathing a little more deeply, wiggling your fingers and toes, and opening your eyes at your own rate.
Tense-Relax
(Follow general directions first). Clench your fists. While keeping them clenched, pull your forearms tightly up against your upper arms. While keeping those muscles tense, tense all the muscles in your legs. While keeping all those tense, clench your jaws and shut your eyes fairly tight… but not too tightly. Now while holding all those tense, take a deep breath and hold it for five seconds. Then, let everything go all at once. Feel yourself letting go of all your tensions. Just enjoy that feeling for a minute as your muscles let go more and more. If we had a finely-tuned electromyography hooked up to you measuring the level of tension in your muscles, it would show that you relax more and more for up to 20 minutes. Just enjoy focusing, gently, on letting go (gentle arousal).
Heaviness and Warmth
(Follow general directions first). Just imagine that your feet and legs are getting heavier and heavier and warmer and warmer. It’s almost as if you are wearing some lead boots. Feet and legs heavy and warm, heavy and warm. Now, imagine your stomach and the whole central portion of your body getting warm… warm and relaxed. Your forehead is cool… cool… relaxed and cool. And your breathing is regular… easy and regular. Just feel the warmth and heaviness spread all over the body (gentle arousal).
Breathing Your Body Away
(Follow general directions first). Gently focus your attention on your feet and legs. Be aware of all the sensations from your feet and legs. Now, inhale and long, slow breath, and as you do, breathe in all the sensations from your feet and legs. In your mind’s eye, imagine that you are erasing this part of your body, so that in your mind, you can see only from your hips up. Now, with another long breath, breathe in all the parts of your body to your neck, and as you exhale, breathe it away. Now, beginning with your fingers, breathe in your fingers, hands, wrists, and arms, and exhale them away. Now, your neck and head… as you breathe in, imagine your neck and head being erased and now breathe them away. Let’s go back over the whole body in one breath, beginning with the feet. A long slow breath in, and as you do, erase any little parts that still remain. Now, let out a long slow breath as you exhale all the remaining parts. Just sit quietly for a minute and enjoy feeling yourself relax deeper and deeper (gentle arousal).
Good sleep leads to excellent performance. Follow these sleep hygiene tips:
No caffeine (including cola and chocolate) 4 to 6 hours before bedtime.
Set your body clock. Keep the same sleep schedule daily. Don’t try to catch up by sleeping late on the weekends.
Avoid naps. In general, taking naps during the day leads to poorer sleep patterns. If you must nap, do so for no longer than 20 to 30 minutes (“power-nap”). Six hours before bedtime, no power naps.
Develop a bedtime routine (for one hour before bedtime). This may include hot bath, listening to soothing music, deep breathing, meditation, etc.
Create a conducive sleep environment. Cool, dark and uncluttered space. Use white noise, eye shades or ear plugs, if noise and/or light interfere with sleep.
No large meals at least three hours before bedtime.
Avoid spicy foods.
Try a light snack before bed. Warm milk and foods high in the amino acid tryptophan such as peanut butter and cheese may help with sleep.
Only use sleep-inducing aids on occasion, such as Benadryl and Tylenol PM.
No alcohol or tobacco within four to six hours of bedtime.
No computer, TV, or arguments half an hour before bed. Listen to soothing music or read.
Exercise regularly, but complete it four hours prior to bedtime.
Take a hot bath one hour prior to bedtime.
No work or studying one hour before bedtime.
Don’t study, work, read or watch TV in bed.
Don’t take worries to bed. Set aside a worry period earlier in the evening. Write out the issues and how you will tackle them the next day.
If you wake up and cannot get back to sleep within 15 to 20 minutes, get out of bed and do something relaxing until you feel tired. Keep your bed associated with falling to sleep.
Communication Resources
Assertive behavior includes standing up for your rights without infringing on the rights of others. Assertive behavior results in an “I win; you win” outcome.
Assertion involves expressing beliefs, feelings and preferences in a way which is direct, honest, appropriate and shows a high degree of respect for yourself and for others.
“When you talk, I can’t hear the movie. Please keep it down.”
“I really like it when you wear that shirt. You look great!”
Passive/nonassertive behavior is when someone gives up their own rights and (directly or indirectly) defers to the rights of another person. Passive behavior results in an “I lose; you win” outcome.
Passive behavior includes violating your own rights through inaction or by failing to express your thoughts, feelings or desires.
“We can do whatever you want. Your ideas are probably better.”
Aggressive behavior is when someone stands up for their own rights without regard for others. Aggressive behavior results in an “I win; you lose” outcome.
Aggression is self-expression that demands, attacks or humiliates other people, generally in a way which shows lack of respect for others.
“Hey, I’m in a hurry. Get out of my way.”
Passive-aggressive behavior occurs when someone acts out aggressive impulses in an indirect way. When people act passive-aggressively, they attempt to get what they need or want indirectly or manipulatively. Passive-aggressive behavior is an indirect attempt to control or punish others.
“I’m sorry I’m so late. I didn’t realize this was such a big deal.”
“Oh, don’t bother, I’ll just have to do it myself.”
Assertive behavior is: Self-Expressive; Honest; Respectful of the Rights of Others.
Direct and Firm; Socially Responsible; Learned, not Inborn.
Equalizing – benefiting self, other and relationship.
Verbal – includes feelings, thoughts, desires, rights, facts, opinions.
Nonverbal – eye contact, voice, posture, facial, gestures, timing.
Appropriate – for the person, culture and situation.
Assertiveness script: “When you behavior, I feel/think feeling/thought, so, I would like new behavior.”
Types of Assertion
Basic assertion: Simple expression of standing up for personal rights, beliefs, feelings or opinions.
Example: When being interrupted, “Excuse me, I’d like to finish what I’m saying.”
Empathic assertion: Recognition of other person’s situation or feelings followed by another statement standing up for speaker’s rights.
Example: “I know you are feeling angry and frustrated while you wait for a response. But, the best I can do is give you a ballpark estimate of how long it will take.”
Escalating assertion: Start with a “minimal” assertive response… Other fails to respond… Gradually escalate the assertion, increasingly firm without being aggressive.
Example: From the first example, “I know what you have to say is important but I really want to finish what I was saying.”
“I really want to finish before you begin to speak.”
Confrontive assertion: Describe what was to be done. Describe what actually occurred… Express what you want.
Example: “I told you to complete the forms by Nov. 15, and you agreed to do so. Now it is Jan. 15 and you are telling me that you forgot the forms but you still expect to complete our business on time. What is it that you want me to do?”
I-Language assertion:
Description of behavior: “When you ______,”
How it affects your life: “It affects ______,”
Describe your feelings: “and I feel ______;”
Describe your desire: “Therefore, I would like _____.”
Example: “When you shout, the effect is I am unable to work with you and I feel angry. Therefore, I would like for you to stop shouting and tell me what you want.”
Positive assertion: Expressing positive feelings about yourself or someone else.
Examples: “I’m glad you came back to see me.”
“I did a good job working with that upset student.”
Repeated assertion: Sometimes called “Broken Record.” Opposite of escalation. Simple, calm, repetition – saying what you want over and over again, rote repetition.
Example: “You said you would complete this form and there is missing information.” (Person gives a sarcastic reply.) “The form has not been completed.” (Person makes another comment.) “I have to have this form completed.”
Fogging assertion: Acknowledging possibility of truth to what other person is saying; agreeing in concept but not necessarily in fact.
Example: “I know these rules may appear to make no sense, but they are the procedures I must use.”
Use these guidelines for “fair fighting” to increase communication effectiveness.
Own Your Response. Use “I-language” instead of falling back on the “make-feel” myth. For example, say, “I feel worried and scared when you drink so much beer” instead of “your drinking is making me crazy.”
Be Specific. Avoid using extreme or global language like “always,” “never,” “everyone.” Instead, use more modifying or tentative statements, “sometimes,” “often” or “maybe.” Avoid character assassination. Talk about incidents rather than personality traits.
One at A Time. Solve one problem at a time, stick to the present situation and stay focused.
Listen As Much As You Talk. Make reflective or clarifying statements in order to show that you understand the other’s position. Seek information as much as you give your opinion.
Avoid Intention-Reading (aka Mind-Reading). Get “reality checks” instead of acting on assumptions of the other person’s intentions or motives. “I think you’re afraid of letting me have space because you’re afraid of losing me. Is that right?” Instead of “You just want me to live a miserable life, held hostage in this disaster you call a relationship.”
Avoid Arguing Reactively. Stay calm, keep control of your behavior and as much as possible speak in a neutral tone of voice. Give yourself the luxury of a “time out” to rethink your position and make effective decisions.
Admit Your Part of the Problem. Ongoing conflicts are like dances; “It takes two to tango.” Focus on identifying your own dance steps that keep a conflict going then learn a new step.
Ask Yourself, “Whose Problem Is This?” Avoid taking too much responsibility for another’s behavior. In most cases, allow others to experience the consequences of their behavior and thinking instead of needlessly protecting them.
Argue Sober. Avoid discussing important issues with any individual who is under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
Sleep On It. Sometimes it is OK to “let the sun go down on your anger.” Agree to discuss “hot” topics at a time when each person is rested and alert. A good night’s rest can facilitate a refreshed perspective. However, it’s important not to collude with your partner to avoid the problem the next day.
Agree To Disagree. Know that many arguments are about opinions, not facts, or at least opinions about facts. Be tolerant of different opinions and perspectives.
Avoid Power Struggles. Power struggles are about me trying to get you to do, be, or think like me so that I’ll get what I want or will feel more comfortable. Focus on resolving the power struggle instead of getting caught up in big arguments over “little things.”
Declare A Cease-Fire. If you at an impasse, then it’s time to declare a cease-fire. Carefully learn the other person’s perspective and wishes. Thoughtfully examine and express your own. Then consider compromise, creative alternatives, going along or sticking to your guns. Take your time.
Focus On What’s Right. Acknowledge the accuracy of the other person’s statements instead of focusing on how they are “wrong.”
Clarify Your Wants. Realize that most of what are called “needs” are really “wants”. You need to breathe air, drink water, etc. Ask for what you want without making demands.
It Takes Time. Realize that effective problem-solving takes time, effort and practice. Tolerate disappointing results and use feedback to help improve your skills.
Ask For Help. Be willing to get help from a neutral, third person if you are in a stuck or deteriorating relationship. Friends, family members, ministers or counselors can often provide assistance to help you get things back on track.
Unfair Fighting and Mistakes In Communicating
“You Make Me Feel” myth.
Globalization or extreme language.
“Gunnysacking” – Saving all your gripes and using them all at once.
Listening means I agree.
Mind-reading or intention-reading.
Speaking loudly or yelling helps your partner hear better.
It’s all your fault (and I had no part in the problem).
For your own good… (overprotection).
A drink will take the edge off (and help us communicate).
Marathon arguing.
Everyone thinks, processes, values similarly.
I win-you lose (what were we talking about?)
Fight until the fight is finished (without a break).
Lawyering or being a philosopher – pick apart flaws in arguing (what were we talking about?)
“I need…” myth (as opposed to “I want…”).
Expecting immediate change or results. Unrealistic expectations for change.
Doing it alone – not seeking assistance from a neutral third party.
Relaxation Exercises
Relax with these audio exercises.